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Genealogical Quips - Humor 

 
A FAMILY REUNION IS AN EFFECTIVE FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL

A FAMILY TREE CAN WITHER IF NOBODY TENDS IT'S ROOTS. 

A GENEALOGIST WILL DO ANYTHING FOR A DATE

A GREAT MANY FAMILY TREES WERE STARTED BY GRAFTING 

A MISER IS HARD TO LIVE WITH, BUT MAKES A FINE ANCESTOR 

A NEW COUSIN A DAY KEEPS THE BOREDOM AWAY. 

A PACK RAT IS HARD TO LIVE WITH, BUT MAKES A FINE ANCESTOR 

AFTER 30 DAYS, UNCLAIMED ANCESTORS WILL BE ADOPTED 

ALL RIGHT! EVERYBODY OUT OF THE GENE POOL!

ALWAYS WILLING TO SHARE MY IGNORANCE.... 

AM I THE ONLY PERSON UP MY TREE... SURE SEEMS LIKE IT 

ANY FAMILY TREE PRODUCES SOME LEMONS, SOME NUTS, AND A FEW BAD APPLES. 

CAN A FIRST COUSIN, ONCE REMOVED, RETURN?

CEMETERY,   A MARBLE ORCHARD NOT TO BE TAKEN FOR GRANITE.

CLIMBING MY FAMILY TREE WAS FUN UNTIL THE NUTS APPEARED! 

COUSINS MARRYING COUSINS VERY TANGLED ROOTS! 

COUSINS MARRYING COUSINS: A NON-BRANCHING FAMILY TREE 

CRAZY.... IS A RELATIVE TERM IN MY FAMILY.

DO I EVEN WANT ANCESTORS?

DO I HEAR THE RATTLE OF CHAINS? 

DOCUMENTATION, THE HARDEST PART OF GENEALOGY! 

EVER FIND AN ANCESTOR HANGING FROM THE FAMILY TREE? 

EVERY FAMILY TREE HAS SOME SAP IN IT.

EVERYBODY'S ANCESTORS COULD NOT FIT ON COLUMBUS'S SHIP 

EVOLUTION IS GOD'S WAY OF ISSUING UPDATES

FLOOR: THE PLACE FOR STORING YOUR PRICELESS GENEALOGY RECORDS. 

FRIENDS COME AND GO, BUT RELATIVES TEND TO ACCUMULATE.

GENE-ALLERGY-IT'S A CONTAGIOUS DISEASE, BUT I LOVE IT 

GENEALOGIST GO WAY BACK

GENEALOGISTS ARE GHOST-AHOLICS

GENEALOGISTS ARE LIKE MONKEYS, ALWAYS IN THE TREES

GENEALOGISTS ARE TIME UNRAVELERS. 

GENEALOGISTS DO IT GENERATION AFTER GENERATION.... 

GENEALOGISTS DO IT IN THE LIBRARY

GENEALOGISTS LIVE IN THE PAST LANE. 

GENEALOGISTS NEVER DIE, THEY JUST LOSE THEIR ROOTS.

GENEALOGY - A SEARCH FOR THE GREATEST TREASURES - OUR ANCESTORS

GENEALOGY - WILL I EVER FIND TIME TO MOW THE LAWN AGAIN? 

GENEALOGY IS LIKE HIDE & SEEK: THEY HIDE & I SEEK! 

GENEALOGY IS THE REARVIEW MIRROR OF LIFE. 

GENEALOGY, A REALLY DEAD END HOBBY

GENEALOGY...IT'S NOT A HOBBY, IT'S AN OBSESSION 

GENEALOGY: A HAY STACK FULL OF NEEDLES. IT'S THE THREADS I NEED.

GENEALOGY: CHASING YOUR OWN TALE. 

GENEALOGY: COLLECTING DEAD RELATIVES AND SOMETIMES A LIVE COUSIN!

GENEALOGY: IT'S ALL RELATIVE IN THE END ANYWAY.

GENEALOGY: TRACING YOURSELF BACK TO BETTER PEOPLE. 

GENEALOGY: WHERE YOU CONFUSE THE DEAD AND IRRITATE THE LIVING.

GENEALOGY; THE STUDY OF RELATIVITY

GHOSTS ARE MERELY UNSUBSTANTIATED RUMORS 

HAS ANYONE SEEN MY ROOTS

HEREDITY: EVERYONE BELIEVES IN IT UNTIL THEIR CHILDREN ACT LIKE FOOLS!

HOW CAN ONE ANCESTOR CAUSE SO MUCH TROUBLE?? 

I LOOKED INTO MY FAMILY TREE AND FOUND OUT I WAS A SAP.. 

I LOOKED UP MY FAMILY TREE...THERE WERE TWO DOGS USING IT. 

I RESEARCHED MY FAMILY TREE... APPARENTLY I DON'T EXIST! 

I SHOOK MY FAMILY TREE, A BUNCH OF NUTS FELL OUT 

I SHOULD HAVE ASKED THEM BEFORE THEY DIED! 

I THINK MY ANCESTORS HAD SEVERAL "BAD HEIR" DAYS. 

I THINK MY FAMILY TREE IS A FEW BRANCHES SHORT OF FULL BLOOM.

I TRACE MY FAMILY HISTORY SO I WILL KNOW WHO TO BLAME.

I USED TO HAVE A LIFE, THEN I STARTED DOING GENEALOGY

I WANT TO FIND ALL OF THEM! SO FAR I ONLY HAVE A FEW THOUSAND. 

I'D RATHER LOOK FOR DEAD PEOPLE THAN HAVE 'EM LOOK FOR ME 

IF ONLY PEOPLE CAME WITH PULL-DOWN MENUS AND ON-LINE HELP... 

I'M ALWAYS LATE. MY ANCESTORS ARRIVED ON THE JUNEFLOWER. 

I'M NO GENEALOGIST. ... UNTIL THIS YEAR I SPELLED IT "GENEOLOGIST!" 

I'M NOT SICK, I'VE JUST GOT FADING GENES. 

I'M NOT STUCK, I'M ANCESTRALLY CHALLENGED. 

I'M SEARCHING FOR MYSELF; HAVE YOU SEEN ME? 

I'M STUCK IN MY FAMILY TREE, AND I CAN'T GET DOWN 

I'M TRACING MY FAMILY HISTORY SO I KNOW WHO TO BLAME!

ISN'T GENEALOGY FUN? THE ANSWER TO ONE PROBLEMS, LEADS TO TWO MORE! 

IT IS HEREDITARY IN MY FAMILY NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN 

IT PAYS TO KNOW WHEN YOUR PAST IS CATCHING UP TO YOU

IT'S 2003. DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR-GREAT-G. GRANDPARENTS ARE? 

IT'S AN UNUSUAL FAMILY THAT HATH NEITHER A LADY OF THE EVENING OR A THIEF. 

IT'S HARD TO BE HUMBLE WITH ANCESTORS LIKE MINE!

LIFE IS LIVED FORWARDS, BUT UNDERSTOOD BACKWARDS.

LIFE TAKES IT'S TOLL. HAVE EXACT CHANGE READY!

MANY A FAMILY TREE NEEDS PRUNING. 

MANY A FAMILY TREE NEEDS TRIMMING. 

MY ANCESTORS ARE HIDING IN A WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM.

MY FAMILY CAME ON THE MAYFLOWER...OR WAS IT ALLIED? 

MY FAMILY COAT OF ARMS TIES AT THE BACK....IS THAT NORMAL? 

MY FAMILY TREE IS A FEW BRANCHES SHORT! ALL HELP APPRECIATED. 

MY FAMILY TREE IS LOST IN THE FOREST 

MY FAMILY TREE MUST HAVE BEEN USED FOR FIREWOOD 

MY GENES ARE SO TIGHT, THEY MAY STAY WITH ME FOREVER 

MY HOBBY IS GENEALOGY, AND I RAISE DUST BUNNIES AS PETS. 

MY SKELETONS ARE RHYTHMICALLY IMPAIRED AND CAN'T DANCE 

OLD GENEALOGISTS NEVER DIE, THEY JUST LOSE THEIR CENSUS

ONLY A GENEALOGIST REGARDS A STEP BACKWARDS, AS PROGRESS. 

ORIGINALITY IS THE ART OF CONCEALING YOUR SOURCES 

RELATIVES...PEOPLE WHO COME TO DINNER WHO AREN'T FRIENDS 

REMEMBER, UNDOCUMENTED GENEALOGY IS MYTHOLOGY!

RESEARCH: WHAT I'M DOING, WHEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.

SEARCHING FOR LOST RELATIVES? WIN THE LOTTERY!

SHAKE YOUR FAMILY TREE AND WATCH THE NUTS FALL! 

SHARE YOUR KNOWLEDGE, IT IS A WAY TO ACHIEVE IMMORTALITY. 

SHH! BE VERY, VERY QUIET.... I'M HUNTING FOREFATHERS

SNOBS TALK AS IF THEY HAD BEGOTTEN THEIR OWN ANCESTORS! 

SO MANY ANCESTORS...SO LITTLE TIME! 

SOME I FOUND I WISH I COULD LOSE.

TAKE NOTHING BUT ANCESTORS, LEAVE NOTHING BUT RECORDS.

THAT'S STRANGE; HALF MY ANCESTORS ARE WOMEN! 

THAT'S THE PROBLEM WITH THE GENE POOL: NO LIFEGUARDS 

THE GENE POOL COULD USE A LITTLE CHLORINE!

THEORY OF RELATIVITY: IF YOU GO BACK FAR ENOUGH, WE'RE ALL RELATED.

THERE IS STRENGTH IN OUR ROOTS 

THEY'VE SAID *YOU* ARE THE FERTILIZER OF YOUR FAMILY TREE! 

TRY GENEALOGY. YOU CAN'T GET FIRED AND YOU CAN'T QUIT!

WHEN I SEARCHED FOR ANCESTORS, I FOUND FRIENDS. 

WHOEVER SAID "SEEK AND YE SHALL FIND" WAS NOT A GENEALOGIST 

WHY ARE THERE SO MANY GNARLED LIMBS ON MY FAMILY TREE? 

YIKES! MY GENES ARE FADED AND FULL OF HOLES! 


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Updated 8 May 2002

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